


Façade

by Aesoleucian



Series: Incident Reports from the Usher Foundation [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Statement, Usher Foundation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 20:56:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17066966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aesoleucian/pseuds/Aesoleucian
Summary: Statement of Dolores Meléndez Cabral regarding "creepy buildings in Jamaica Plain," given September 5th, 2014.





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**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of shocked nobody has done anything with the Usher Foundation yet? I think it's SO funny that Jonny put it in DC. I can only assume there are a lot of branch locations because you can fit 40 UKs in the US. That or they do a lot of phone interviews.

Branch location: Usher Foundation Boston, 2 Post Office Square, Floor 8.

Instance reported by: _Dolores Meléndez Cabral_  
Reporter initial and date: _DMC   9/5/14_

Witness: _Lily Reubens_                            ID#: _01651_  
Witness initial and date: _LR   2014-09-05_

Incident summary: _creepy buildings in Jamaica Plain_  
Description of incident: _(attached)_

 

[Transcript begins]

DMC: Okay, I don’t know if I’d call it an incident. It’s not really an incident.

LR: That’s just what it’s called on the form, you’re fine. Start at the beginning.

DMC: Okay. I guess the beginning for me was a couple years ago. It was like, 2012 maybe? That’s when the Hi-Lo got bought out by Whole Foods. It was a really cool place, you’d go there and you’d know everyone who was there and you’d catch up. You know. Like a place to chat. My mom couldn’t ever get her shopping done in less than an hour and when we were little we’d get so frustrated with her. Like “Mamá! Stop talking about boring old lady stuff so we can go home!” I guess I appreciated it more when I was in high school. The guy who owned it had a daughter about my age and she was really cool.

Sorry, I’m getting off topic. Um… that’s right, the Whole Foods.

I mean, we went there a couple times. Like, we knew the butcher who worked there and they had some of the stuff we needed, so it was whatever. But everything was way more expensive and they didn’t have a lot of my favorite stuff. And I always felt kind of weird in there, like it was a place that was wearing a costume? That doesn’t make sense. It was like the store was watching me, or like it was the wrong size. It was like being… inside something. I don’t know.

There was other stores that gave me that same weird feeling. On South Street there’s this cupcake store—I know, right? A whole store that just sells cupcakes? We made fun of it so much when it opened. And you’d only ever see White people going in there. There’s three freaking bakeries on that block now. By that point I knew the word gentrification and I was like, yep, we’re screwed. But JP fought back really hard. We still don’t have a Starbucks, you know? Just Dunkies. I’ve never been in a Starbucks in my life. They scare the shit out of me. Like, okay, I should tell you what happened when we went in the cupcake store.

Me and my friend Laura basically went in to make fun of it. I guess we wanted to see all the flavors of cupcakes and how dumb they were. But as soon as I walked through the door I had this feeling like… like I walked into somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, I guess. It was that same feeling like all the air was focused on me. The store was waiting for something bad to happen to me, and none of the people in there were real. They were like cardboard cutouts. It was so creepy I just had to leave, so I walked out the door without even saying anything to Laura. But when I got outside it got worse. The whole _world_ felt unreal and fake. I was afraid to move ‘cause I felt like I’d tear the paper if I moved my foot and took a step. I mean, like the world was made of paper and I was so scared to tear it ‘cause I didn’t know what was behind it. I can’t really describe it. And I didn’t recognize any of the buildings, I didn’t know what was going on and I was kind of dizzy like my body couldn’t even recognize gravity. I don’t remember how I got home. Laura must have brought me back. I think she told my whole family I had a stroke or something and I had to go see the doctor.

The doctor didn’t find anything, and I knew nothing was wrong with me. That cupcake store was just fucking evil, and _all_ the stores on that block are fake. I can’t even go by there in a car without feeling like I’m going to pass out. I went back there a couple weeks ago to prove it to myself and you know what? They don’t even have cupcakes there. They’re made of plastic. They also got coffee, except the coffee doesn’t taste like anything. I mean, I didn’t taste it, I’m not an idiot, but it doesn’t smell like anything. It’s just hot brown water. So I’m standing in this stupid cupcake store holding a fake cup of coffee, zoning out like I’m high off my ass and probably everyone’s staring at me and it takes me an hour to get out the door. And when I do it’s not over! I can’t remember what direction my house is in or like, I don’t think I even remembered I was supposed to be going to my house. I just wandered down the street until I saw someone I knew. It was, uh, Sebastian, I can’t remember his last name ‘cause I never had any classes with him, but he’s a pretty nice guy and he asked if I was crying and made me sit down in the shade in front of his house so he could get me some water. Like maybe he thought I had heat stroke. But it’s not as bad when someone else is there with me. Even if I think they can’t possibly be real they’re still just a little more real, and it helps.

But the really creepy thing is nobody else can tell. I told Sebastian about the store, I asked if he’d ever felt anything like that, and he gave me this look like he lowkey thought I was crazy. He said maybe I should call the doctor when I got home and he could walk me there and I smacked him ‘cause I thought he was hitting on me.

But, okay, it’s not just me getting dizzy. I could handle it if there was just certain parts of town that are a creepy nother planet, I could stay off South Street and Amory and whatever. But those stores are eating people, I swear. You think I’m crazy. But we used to know this really nice lady who did natural hair, like my Black friends would go there to get their braids done. You know what happened to her when her place got turned into a bike store? Me freaking neither! Nobody remembers her! There’s another family that lives in her house now. I asked my mom who used to own the Hi-Lo and she didn’t know. I can’t _remember_ his daughter’s name.

And… Laura’s parents run a TV repair store. She doesn’t talk about it a lot, but you can tell they’re all kind of worried business isn’t so good. Everyone’s moving away or straight up disappearing and now there’s all these White people who think they’re too good to go to Laura’s dad’s TV repair store. I’m so scared they’re going to get bought out and they’ll disappear. Laura’s like my best friend. She could _die_. I’m starting to get really anxious whenever I’m with her, every time I feel like it might be the last time I ever see her. I think she thinks I’m sick. So you’ve _got_ to help me. You have to tell me how I can save her. And her family. I’m the only one who can see what’s happening so I’ve got to figure out a way to stop it. What’s making this happen? How do I fix it?

LR: If you leave us your contact info we can call you if we find anything.

DMC: So you’ve never seen something like this before? You don’t know what to do?

LR: I mean, I’m just an assistant. My job is mostly to interview people and do follow-up research. And most reports can’t really be confirmed. If no-one else has noticed the thing with the shops, I don’t know how we’re going to confirm it.

DMC: You have to go there! I swear I’m not making this up, and I’m not crazy! Try and find Monica Howard, okay, she’s the lady who ran the salon. She disappeared, and that fucking bike store did it. They’re all from the same thing, like some huge monster company is trying to eat JP.

LR: Okay! I’ll do what I can. Do you want to give me your phone number so I can call you back if I find anything?

DMC: Fine. But turn off the tape first, I don’t want everyone to know my number. Why do you even have that, can’t you just record it on your phone?

[Transcript ends]

 

Follow-up:

_There are records of Monica Howard up until February last year, when her business Egleston Cut & Twist was sold. Neither she nor her husband has a listed phone number, and no posts have been made on her business’ Facebook page since it was sold. Bill Jordan, former owner of Hi-Lo Foods, was reported missing by his wife in November 2011, shortly after the store was renovated. David tried to call her to see if we could get an interview but the number she gave has been disconnected and no further contact information is available. David and Lily visited Monumental Cupcakes (36 South Street) and reported that the cupcakes were overpriced but edible, and the coffee seemed normal._

_Recommendation: keep. At the very least something is causing business owners in Jamaica Plain to disappear._

_Y.X.    2014-09-23_


End file.
